If I raised my voice, I would have shown the intensity and purity of my feelings for her.
I might be contented within those still frames of her smile. But I will be happy for sure, if I made the smile, and that smile was mine.
Even if she won’t always be light and easy to get along in real life, I’ll just carry my love through. For love is acceptance and acceptance is acceptance.
She will not be as radiant through all the difficulties. But through those difficulties, she will shine more in the end. And I will love not only her radiance, but her as a person not only on this instant.
I will be open for suggestions if she didn’t stay put when I do something off her tastes. I’ll gladly compromise and even sacrifice.
She can be unreal more than I’ll ever know, far from the photos. I will be glad for that, for I do not pursue the surreal but I pursue those that I see, those that I touch and those that I hear. I’ll be glad to have the courage to kiss the real, than to worship the unreal.
I was told to spare myself. Spare myself from what? From that love? I’m sorry but I can’t. She will not open up to me. But still, I will gladly open myself to her. Let her be a mystery as long as my love is not a misery.
I’ve seen her ways. I have seen them myself. She gives her smile to everyone. Yet, it is still fine with me, for deep within her heart, she saves her biggest smile. I’ll work hard for that smile to be mine. It isn’t mine to keep, but something worthy to pursue and claim.
Even though I was hurt, even though I was fooled, even though I was scarred, even though I was uncertain, my love still remains. It is sustained by a hope that wasn’t there, memories…. and lack of farewell.
People can never get all they’ve wished for…. So why her?
-Joshua C. Agar, October 2011